dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
