The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
