how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
