please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
