To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
