Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
