Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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