worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Randomize
