Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
