I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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