Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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