If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
