the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
