Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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