Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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