just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
