Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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