i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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