My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
