Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
