I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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