zippers are such a cool invention
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
