Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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