If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
