I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
