party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
