How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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