He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
