gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
