And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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