I think I am morally bankrupt
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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