glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
