What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
