is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i dont even know how to be here
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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