we have pet lesbian snakes
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
