im drinking this country out of the recession.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
