If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
