i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
