Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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