My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
