If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
