Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
