The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
