if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
