I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
