Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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