Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
