God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
