Your face is a jimmy john
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
