Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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